You can see it in his eyes,
And hear in it his words.
He loved you.
He saw your beauty once..
The beauty that others see..
Maybe more than what others see..
Even while you were faking it,
Trying to be someone else,
He saw through it.
He saw you.
And he liked what he saw.
But you let him in.
And he saw the ugliness,
Upclose..
And, as frightening as it is..
Inside, that's all you are.
Ugliness,
Fear.
Once..
You were beautiful.
Happy,
Untouched,
Innocent..
Now, you are rotten.
Yes, rotten.
Blinded.
Flawed.
On the inside.
Once in a while..
You can sense it.
Fake smiles.
Fake laughter.
Fake kisses.
Forced romance.
Letters in blood
Wrote so sweet on her walls
A Nymphetamine Girl
Always ready to fall
No one could save her
She couldn't let go
Lost in her life
Lost in her woe
She hugs herself tightly
As blood smears arise
And those handprints of guilt
Appear on her sides
He kills her so softly
He begs her to stay
But she knows too well:
She'll be digging his grave.
This neurotic obsession
Drains blood from her face
Before him she smiled,
But now she's lost grace.
She has next to nothing
And no where to hide
But inside herself,
To sit and to cry.
That bitch in the mirror:
Drenched in her fear,
Drowning in sorrow,
Drowning in tears.
That bitch in the mirror:
She eyes me with hate
That descends from her past,
In the ways she lost faith.
Internally broken
Interally cracked
Externally neutral
Until the pain brings her back
To her deepest self hatred
She's hopeless, I know..
With no one that cares,
With no place to go.
Shes not quite all there
Shes not quite alright
She drifts far from what's real
Alone, everynight.
Something seems different..
Something is wrong.
Someone is crying..
A bitter sweet song.
She is a hazard.
She is white trash.
She blissfully bleeds
A
The water drips from the ends of my hair
It falls silently on my lap
It wakes me up from my gaze upon the window
My eyes shift away and I return to reality.
Whaching you,
Wanting you.
However I was lucky enough to find you,
I'll never know.
However I am this deeply in love with another being,
I'll never know
How badly I need you each and every day,
You'll never know.
How hard it is to give myself away,
Again and again,
You'll never know.
My vision is blurring,
I can't control my shaking,
And this slow, painful awakening
As I am fading,
Confuses me.
But I can't speak of it..
I try my best to ignore it,
As I feel myself growing
Because it's scaring me..
I'm scaring me.
Then there's you,
And somehow,
You make everything alright again.
You're like my weekly fixation
In order to keep myself together.
Reality loses me
Everytime you're near.
You know who I am
And it is when I can feed,
Feeling your presence -
All around me -
That I am complete.
I can smell you
Touch you
Taste you
You're the best meal
Any darkling could ask for.
Emotionally, mentally,
Spi
I've moved out, happily, I'm finally single.. for now.. and I'm happy and healthy. what else can I say?
I'll be graduating in February as my school takes longer to give you your credits (I'm suposed to graduate this year) and then I'm off to NSCAD to take photography, ceramics, pottery, and jewlery making. yeah. so GO ME. now that I've got my shit together I may finally be submitting some new things. I can only hope.
I miss you all..
xoxx
I'm single. He dumped me because of my age. Men are stupid and I don't want one.
So um I'll be back once I get a camera... that I seem to have been waiting for for about 5 years.. hooray for having lazy unemployed parents and living too far out of town to hold a job. fuck me.
I need to get some practice shots and make my portfolio for college anyway. I'm really looking forward to it.. exciting..
Jasmine